Today is The First Day of The Rest of My Life...

So the last time I posted was on Saturday and my 1-day vacation from blogging turned into the entire weekend of a sort of soul searching mission. I can’t really say that I was able to fully figure out anything (I mean, who can find answers to such a deep topic in only 2 short days)? I did however, spend a lot of time crying, talking to God and reading. I think the part that really helped me the most was the crying and talking to God, I expressed a lot and got a lot out. I went through so many emotions from anger; to sadness to confusion to a bit of a calming effect though I am still rattled  a little inside, I can  say it’s not as bad as it was.  

I really wanted to thank those of you who left comments and encouraging words for me, it really helped and was just nice to see! I’ve decided to start my day with the mindset that today is the first day of the rest of my life and just take it one day at a time, see what happens and not be so hard on myself. I know God loves me, I mean he died for my sins so I could be saved and given everlasting life, how much more could someone love me! I also know that though I can’t always hear him and at times I get frustrated with not getting an answer from him right away, I have come to realize that he’s always on time with his plan for my life. I plan to post later today with something a bit a more cheerful but I just wanted to give an update right now. Also I’m in the process of rearranging my blog and making some changes so please bear with me as I take this editing thing one step at a time!

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Gone On Vacation:

Taking the day off from blogging… I had a rough night and am really struggling with myself and what my life means or should mean…  It’s so hard when you believe in God and for your whole have believed that he has put you here for some special purpose but then look back and realize that you’ve done nothing and haven't made a difference to anyone or their lives, and then you wonder, “Okay, God so why am I here, what does it all mean and does anything matter anymore?”

I’m taking the day to try to figure somethings out and have some quite time to reflect.

Happy blogging all… 

Food, Fitness and Top Model...

It’s Friday afternoon and I’ve had the day off from work so its been pretty laid back. I had a doctor’s appointment earlier this afternoon and am now home watching the Top Model marathon. You know I never really realized how much work models have to do and I don’t just mean keeping lean and thin, that’s a whole other workload they have.  So what I’ve learned is that models have to be able to do anything, I mean anything. They have to be able to understand the elements around them, they have to be put into harsh environments and face many of their fears and still deliver a great photo! They are critiqued and told what needs improvement and We really need to give these ladies a big hand because they deal with so much and all we think is that they just show up, put on something cute, smile and get a giant paycheck… Nope it’s so much more than that!

Coco’s been lying in her bed (a rocking chair in our bedroom near the window that she has recently staked claim on) and has been watching the birds outside all day. Every now and then she hopes down for a drink of water and then right back up. Just a side note: that green blanket is her favorite and she always had to lay on it.

My doctor’s appointment this morning was just a routine check up and I took the opportunity to talk about my recent weight gain so my doctor looked back over the past few years of my medial history and realized that I had gained a few extra pounds. Unfortunately, she didn’t supply me with any additional news that I already had not tried, work out more, eat more veggies, and get more sleep, blah, blah, blah… I’ve done all these things and still weight the same. I need something else, something major! So I pulled out a book that I recently purchased and decided that I really need to get serious about working out more on a consistent fitness plan. I just love food and love to cook so this combo is not working for my figure at all! So I’m hoping that with this new mindset and this book by my side I can really do this!

So wish me luck! 

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Healing The Hurt...

Today I’m cleaning out my closet, or at least a small corner of it. My closets pretty big so it’s going to take a few Wednesday’s like this one to truly get out all that needs to be boxed up and taken out. For me, the idea of this brought up a lot of feelings and thoughts, some good, some bad, some very painful and others very, very hard to swallow but nonetheless, I was flooded with almost every emotion that my body could conjure up. Funny thing is, ever since For The Love Of Blogs first mentioned that they were turning Wednesday’s into sort of a “confessional” day I had been excited about it but now that it’s actually here… it seems very REAL.

For years I had suppressed a lot of hurt and pain that happened in my youth, most events of my early childhood I really don’t even remember because, well as the Doctors and Psychologist put it, people have a tendency to unconsciously force their minds to erase things that are too painful to deal with. I mastered this skill by the age of 5.  My family has often been hurt that I have no memory of my childhood, only bits and pieces and most of those I have trouble deciphering from possibly something I dreamed about or actual real events that happened, (another side effect of suppressing memories).

I think it really hurts my Mom when I call and say “Hey, I had a thought of a time when I was 6 and we went to a horse farm and had a great day, but I was wondering if this really happened or if maybe it was something I dreamed about last night?”

Seems when you suppress the bad, parts of the good get tossed in there as well. Don’t get me wrong, my childhood wasn’t all bad, but yes there were things that happened to me that I can only remember because I was told that they happened not because I actually remember them.

Anyway, I’m not here to force myself to think about all of these things but I’m here because all my life I have been told that it helps to write about your feelings, it’s a way of releasing bottled up emotions and sort of freeing yourself from being held “captive” by it. Here’s the thing, I’m a strong believer in God and that being said I don’t believe that I’m being held captive by anything. However, some of the things that happened to me have caused me to struggle a lot with trusting people and believing that others could actually want to love me. Because of this the first 5 or so years of the relationship with my husband were very touch and go, but the blessing in this storm is that he stood by me through it all! Through the years I stayed distant and caution of him, not because he was doing anything but because I struggled to believe he or anyone else could truly love me, even after all those years of him being there I still had my guard up.

WOW, how on earth did he put up with this? How could he have married someone so scared to love or be loved? When we first started dating he told me he was going to show me that he was different and that he loved me no matter what, I laughed as if he was joking and 11 years later, he still stands by my side loving me more than ever… I felt sad so many times during our relationship because I wondered why I couldn’t just be “normal”.  I told him over and over again to go find someone else because I wanted him to be happy but he'd just say, "I am happy"… I hate that I’m sitting here right now  with tears running down my cheeks but I guess that’s part of the cleaning process... you laugh, you cry, you throw things, then you get up, have a cup of coffee and get back to work! So I conclude by saying, “Let the healing begin!”

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Things To Do Before I'm 30...

With my pending 30^th birthday in the horizon this summer, I checked my schedule and just don’t see any way I’m going to be able to celebrate this year so as much as I hate to have to do this, I’ve decided to postpone my milestone birthday and remain 29 for another 12 to 24 months. Oh, I just hate to disappoint and I was so looking forward to celebrating but I just don’t see any way around this…

That being said I now have some additional time to start working on some things that I want to do before I turn 30. First thing on my list, lose weight. Yes I know this is very cliché but this evening I pulled out the scale and wiped off 2 years worth of dust, breathed a deep sign, closed my eyes and stepped on… I’m not going to divulge the astronomical 3 digits that taunted me from the scale below, I will tell you that I had to reweigh myself and then take off all my clothing items and reweight myself a third time just to make sure I was getting the correct read… Yep… I was and very disappointed to say the least! I have a plan to lose 20 pounds and I know I can do it!

The next thing on my “To-Do Before I Hit 30 List” is to find a better job! Or I guess I should say a more fulfilling job. I’m so fed up with all the drama, nonsense and high school antics that take place by some of my co-workers that I don’t even bother to talk to anyone anymore. Of course there are other issues with the job and maybe I’ve just hit that point where I need something new but either way, I’m so ready to go, therefore this is right up there at number 2.

Next, I plan to revive my face so I have started a facial regimen be combat any early signs of winkles, I don’t have any yet but hey, now’s a better time than any to start the preventative method. Oh by the way, in one of my other posts I briefly mentioned that I wanted to share some of my facial products and this regime was what I was referring to. 

So I started using Oil of Olay Pore Redefining Scrub, Oil Of Olay Deep Cleansing Clay Mask, Oil Of Olay Active Hydrating Cream and Oil Of Olay Night Firming Cream. I use the clay mask about twice a week, the scrub once or twice a week and the other two products daily and I just started this facial treatment and have already noticed a glow on my face and my skin looks so much fresher and vibrant!

So there’s my short list and there will be more to come so stay tuned! 

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Just Another Day...

Happy Tuesday everyone! It’s Tasty Tuesday over at FTLOB and what a perfect way to start my morning! I’ve just arrived at work, barely because I was dozing off in the car driving to work! UGGHH... That could have been tragic! Anywhoo I’m here and ready to rock and roll…

Abortion Rally in DC -Monday evening

Yesterday ended on a somewhat interesting note, my evening drive home always takes me right through the heart of DC and little did I know there was some sort of abortion rally going on but believe me, I knew when I got there! Everywhere I looked I saw signs, people, police, tour buses and more people. Traffic was RIDICULES and at a standstill so I used this opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons and took a few shots of the rally for my blog post this morning. I have to say the saddest thing I saw was this sign that read, "I regret my abortion" which was being carried by this older woman. I didn’t want to take her photo because well, I just felt it would be rude but none the less it was sad.

When I got home I remembered that Coco had a vet appointment for her boarding shots so we headed out. While there she decided to bite the veterinary and I didn’t really feel too bad because my vet pretty pushy anyways and always trying to get me to do tons of tests and shots and a whole bunch of junk that usually costs about $500.00 which I don't feel Coco needs right now. Each time I refuse my vet treats me as if I’m the worst pet owner in the world, though I know better!

When I got home I decided to have a cup of tea while making dinner for my hubby and me (chicken fettuccine with a homemade white sauce, very yum-yum). Later I watched Bad Girls Club which seems to be getting more and more, well for lack of a better word, stupider as each episode goes along. Isn’t the point of the show that these girls come there to learn something and change their ways because all I see is partying, fighting and random sex with outsider guys who look pretty disgusting and a whole lot of unnecessary drunk-grinding on each other. I mean they could do all this back home! I want some Bad Girl intervention here!

Anyway, in honor of Tasty Tuesday, here is my yummy recipe for Chicken Enchiladas. I don’t eat pork or beef so I make everything with turkey, chicken or seafood, I love these chicken enchiladas but it’s good to know that they can be very heavy and if you’re on diet, you’ll want to use low fat cheese and lean meat.

• 1/2 cup chopped green onions
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 (4 ounce) can diced green chilies (optional)
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 2 chicken breast meat (or however much you desire)
• 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese, divided
• 6 (12 inch) flour tortillas
• Enchilada sauce

Directions

1. Preheat oven to about 350 degrees F. Use non stick spray on a large casserole dish to lightly grease it.
2. In a skillet lightly drizzly olive oil and began to sauté the chicken, ad your own seasonings for taste.
3. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter and sauté the green onion until tender (about 3 to 4 minutes). Add the garlic powder, and then stir in the green chilies, sour cream.
4. Then pour in with finished chicken and simmer for a few minutes.
5. Fill each flour tortilla with the chicken mixture and roll up. Place tortilla seam side down in the prepared baking dish.
6. When all tortillas are filled and rolled, pour enchilada sauce over the entire dish and then sprinkle a nice amount of cheese over the top and back for 35 minutes with foil covering the dish. For the last 10 minutes remove foil and bake to get cheese lightly toasted and bubbly.
7. Eat and enjoy!

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Catch You On The Fly...

The weekend flew by and I hardly had time to write let alone participate in any of the Weekend Wander blog hops. I had a paper to finish up for school and then found out that my husband is headed back overseas again so we decided to spend a bit of quality time together and went to see the new Vince Vaughn film, Dilemma starring Wynona Ryder, who I suspect has not been in any major films since her shopping lifting stunt. The film itself was pretty funny and I’m glad we got to spend some time together before he leaves.  

Tomorrows we are going for dinner and then he’s off for a few weeks. I’m back at work and just like any Monday, I’ve got my head barely above water and am struggling to find any time to even write this blog, but I just hate looking at the same post over and over again! I have tons of things going on and decided to just throw caution to the wind for an hour and update my blog! I know today is Magical Monday but I’m having trouble finding anything magical about my day. If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you’d know that today was the day I was suppose to hear back about the job interview and its going on 2:00pm here and I have yet to have received any sort of news. Though I’m not taking this as negative but yet maintaining that it’s just taking the hiring manager a bit longer to realize what a great candidate I am and when he comes around, I’ll get the call that I have been waiting so patiently for! That being said, I’m forging ahead with my work in my current position just to make sure all my T’s are crosses and I’s are dotted when I do leave, I wouldn’t want to burden anyone.  

 

I’ll be headed home very soon and will be making my famous Chicken fettuccine for dinner and I can hardly wait! I have some pictures to post from last night’s dinner (BBQ Chicken wings) but it will have to wait until I get home since I left my camera/memory card sitting on my desk at home in my mad rush to leave the house this morning. Also I purchased some new facial products which I just have to share with everyone but that’s “Coming Soon” to a blog near you.

Well back to work! 

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City Girl